Communication skills for staying in love
The no fight agreement
Step 1: Ask for a meeting.
Never ambush your partner or try to start a conversation without his or her
consent.
Implication is I need to talk and need you to listen
Step 2: Mirror the speaker: The key to effective listening
Listening doesn’t mean agreement
Stay close to your partner’s words
Ask: Did I get that right?
Ask: Is there more you want to say about this?
Look for the underlying issue to surface
Step 3: Summarize what you heard
Trying to get the big picture
Ask: Do you feel I understand what you said?
Step 4: Validate: Validating perceptions. Seeing the issue from your
partner’s perspective. Validating her subjectivity.
“You make sense to me. I understand where you’re coming from when
you talk about….”
Step 5: Empathize: Validating feelings. Getting how your partner is feeling
“I understand that when this happens, you feel angry and alone.”
Step 6: The ask
“Is there anything I can do to help make this better for you?”
Step 7: Complete repair; means no bad feelings left over