There are many factors that determine the success or failure of any relationship, whether it be in a work setting, in marriage, or in friendships. Much ink has been spilled about the centrality of communication and problem solving as the top ingredients for success in love and friendships. But I …
Building a Secure attachment
One person reaches out—we’re always reaching out even in destructive ways The other responds—we’re always responding In an interaction of repair, the first feels understood and accepted Both experience connection, safety, trust, and calm 7. This type of work requires great awareness, honesty, and strength to control one’s natural reactivity …
The Superstar Syndrome
I recently discovered the reason why many people live with an underlying feeling of dissatisfaction. (Hopefully, this is going way beyond Mick Jagger and the Stones!) I call it the superstar syndrome. Both our western culture and our Jewish cultures are obsessed with superstars. From American Idol to gold medal …
This Is What Matters
It’s not what happens to us that matters. It’s how we interpret what happens to us that matters. I believe this is the most fundamental principle of human psychology. Life is full of difficult situations. We have little control over what happens to us but a lot of control over …
Saying Hello
A thought for the new year I think it’s a good exercise to practice saying hello to the world every day before you have to say good-bye to it forever. And surely that day is coming. I suggest walking outside every day and looking at all the good and the …
The Princess
Once upon a time there lived a princess who had everything imaginable and yet was verydepressed. The more things she was given the more depressed she became. She had themost beautiful clothes and jewelry. She had her own horse and the best teachers whotaught her how to play music, sing, …
When Life Gets Hard
Ben was bemoaning how stupid and incompetent he felt making cold calls to solicit new realestate clients for his company. “Other guys just seem to have a knack for selling. I feel like sucha loser.”Marsha was beating herself about what a terrible mom she is. “I just don’t have any …
Building A Human Being
As a therapist, I have worked with my share of severely distressed people who aretrapped in their mental prisons. At times, I have felt overwhelmed by the severity of theiremotional turmoil, sometimes feeling powerless myself to know what to do to help them.Over the years, I have discovered a key …
The Imago Dialogue
Communication skills for staying in love The no fight agreementStep 1: Ask for a meeting.Never ambush your partner or try to start a conversation without his or herconsent.Implication is I need to talk and need you to listenStep 2: Mirror the speaker: The key to effective listeningListening doesn’t mean agreementStay …
Self-Love
People who love themselves are happy and usually successful in life. Self-love is thefoundation of psychological health and well-being. If you have it, you are rich. Here arefive dimensions of self-loving people: