When we are not at peace, it is often because of an inner conflict we don’t understand. Much of the time, the conflict means that we are avoiding facing a frightening truth about ourselves and our lives. As long as we resist facing this truth, we will be at war …
The True Freedom
A primary reason why people feel out of control of their lives is because they are not in control of their feelings. We either control our feelings or our feelings will control us. When our feelings control us we generally make bad decisions. When we are in control of our …
The Legacy of Trauma
Unbearable pain makes life unbearable. Everyone lives with pain but not everyone lives with unbearable pain. One can feel alive with pain but not with unbearable or crushing pain. Having challenges and struggles often gives us a feeling of being alive. In fact, a life without challenge and pain is …
Why G-d Cannot Compete with Lady Gaga
I’d like to compare G-d’s fan base to Lady Gaga’s. In terms of numbers, I am sure there are more “followers” of G-d than of Lady Gaga. What I’m interested in is comparing the experience of their respective followers. My sense is that the average follower of Lady Gaga is …
Are You the One? Ten Ways to Know for Sure
The common approach to deciding whether to marry someone is to make a list of what you’re looking for and then find someone who meets your requirements. This is a good approach for buying a car but not so good for deciding to make a life commitment to another human …
Is This Relationship Healthy?
Ten Signs of Emotionally Healthy Relationships Many people don’t understand what an emotionally healthy or mature romantic relationship looks like. As a result, hey get into unhealthy relationships and wonder why they’re having so many problems. There is no question that the key to long term relationship success depends on …
Seven Ways to Move Forward After a Break-Up
Get Closure You cannot move on until you have complete closure. This means that you have no doubt that the door is completely shut and there’s no option for getting back together. Sometimes the person who ends it, does so in a somewhat vague way that leaves the door open …
Seven Ways to Move Forward Outline
GET CLOSURE Do you have closure? Closure means you know it’s over; have no doubts Why or why not? 2. MOURN YOUR LOSS 5 stages of mourning: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance What have you lost? What needs were met? Distinguish between healthy and unhealthy needs. Move from fantasy to …
The Ten Qualities of an Emotionally Mature Person
An emotionally mature person 1. Acknowledges and takes full ownership of her uncomfortable feelings. Throughout our lives we experience a range of uncomfortable and unwanted feelings. We always have a choice. We can acknowledge and take ownership of them or try to ignore and get rid of them. Unfortunately, the …
Ten Steps to Transforming Shame and Building Self-Esteem
Shame is the emotional experience underlying low self-esteem. It’s that awful feeling generated by perceiving one’s self as bad, defective, incompetent, unattractive. Everyone experiences shame from time to time. I meet someone I know and call them by the wrong name. “Oy, I can’t believe I’m so stupid,” I tell …