- 1. Life’s most important question is, what am I living for? Rabbi Noah Weinberg
How can you live, if you don’t know what you’re living for? We know we are not living to eat, but eating to live which begs the question, what am I living for?
Exercise: What’s life’s greatest pleasure? Life’s greatest good?
- Never neglect the wisdom of the heart. Avoth 6:6 “The understanding of the heart”
Feelings contain information with profound personal meanings. Something bothers me about this guy I’m dating. Don’t marry him until you understand the meaning of this feeling. To make consistently good decisions, we must listen to and understand the meaning of our feelings. Our feelings also ground us in ourselves and the world.
Exercise: Take your emotional pulse three times a day.
- It’s ok to be imperfect. It’s never ok to hate yourself for being imperfect. Genesis 4:3-10
The Biblical character Cain, made a big mistake when he failed to bring his best produce as an offering to G-d which was rejected by G-d. But some say that he made even a bigger mistake when he became depressed about being rejected, as it says, “And his countenance fell.” When we hate ourselves, it results in depression and depression leads to quitting, which is a form of living death.
Exercise: What are you most ashamed about?
- A winner is someone who shows up everyday. Blessing of Torah
Consistency in any area of life, whether it be a job, a marriage, friendships, parenting, or our service of G-d, is a sign of maturity.
Exercise: Where would you like to be more consistent?
- Effort is always required, but never pressure. Psalm 100 “Serve G-d with joy”
I remember my father telling me that if the screw isn’t turning, don’t force it. Great work in every area of life requires effort but should be unpressured and natural. This is especially true when it comes to self-improvement. Just like trees grow naturally without pressure, so should we.
Exercise: What would you like to be more relaxed about?
- Taking full responsibility for every decision is the meaning of being an adult. Genesis 4:8 “Am I my brother’s keeper?”
Children look for excuses or someone to blame. Finding out his girlfriend was pregnant was too much for him. All he wanted was to find someone else to make the decision for him until he realized he was an adult and had to take full responsibility for his actions and make his own decision about the situation.
Exercise: Where do you need to take more responsibility for your life?
Who or what are you still blaming?
- The point of life is to thrive, not survive. Dt. 30:19 “Choose life.”
We are into one of two modes, thriving or surviving. When we are thriving we feel alive. When we are surviving, we feel dead. The thriving mode is a growing, creative, and process focused mode (growth mindset). The surviving mode is a self-preservation mode defined by feeling constant pressure to succeed and to avoid failure (fixed mindset).
Exercise: Are your goals about achieving success or about growing and getting better?
- The quality of our life depends upon the quality of our thinking. Numbers 13:33 “And we were as grasshoppers in their eyes.”
A person is essentially what he or she thinks about all day. A friend realized that his self-talk is full of negativity and shame. Equally important is the quality of our core beliefs because they are the mental templates that determine how we experience ourselves, others, and the world.
Exercise: Identify a limiting core belief and an early memory
- A person who has no future, has no present. Dt. 6:13-15
Human beings desperately need to look forward to something. It can be almost anything, a party, vacation, the weekend, the game, the date, etc. When we have something to look forward to we feel joy. Ideally, we need to envision a future that is meaningful. Can you envision a meaningful future? Having a personal mission is a good example.
Exercise: Write a personal mission statement
- There is nothing greater than to greatly execute the task at hand. Exodus 4:24-26 “…because Moses failed to perform the circumcision at the inn.”
Greatness is not about the big moments when you have center stage, but about the countless every day moments where some small task lies before us, a smile or a frown, a supportive word or a put down, being patient or exploding with anger. It’s the “little things” performed greatly that make a person great. I politely asked, a woman to clean up after her dog. She looked at me with disdain and walked on. To perform greatly we need to be mentally tough and disciplined, as our rabbis say, “Who is strong? the person who has self-control over his reactivity and impulses.”
Exercise: Identify two small ways that do you cause people pain?
- Our strengths reveal our purpose. The Duties of the Heart vol 1 pp. 393-395
You are uniquely gifted. To identify your strengths is the key to knowing what your purpose and mission is in the world. We must always be ourselves. Trying to be someone else will only lead to frustration and misery.
Exercise: In what activity do you feel most alive with vitality?
- Listening strengthens, empowers, and builds. Avoth 6:6 “Carry his struggle”
Perhaps the greatest act of kindness is to fully respect and listen to another person’s struggle to become a better person. When a person experiences being seen and heard by another it paints his soul with hope, courage, and strength. When we don’t feel seen and understood, we become weak, alone, and discouraged.
Exercise: How can you become a better listener?
- Beware of social pressure. Genesis 12:1-3 “G-d said to Avraham, leave your country, society, and father’s house.”
The voices of society are loud and strong. It takes greatness of soul to listen to one’s own voice and not bow to those who would like us to jump the rail and ride on their train. When we do, we become lost and confused and we lose our individuality.
Exercise: In what ways do you conform in order to be accepted?
- We are entitled to nothing. The Duties of the Heart vol. 2 pp. 163-165.
Every moment of life is present given freely. My coffee, my glasses, my phone, my lungs are presents given daily for free. We make the mistake to believe that once given and enjoyed we are entitled to more. The universe owes us nothing. When we realize this, we can turn from an entitlement attitude to a gratitude attitude. Only then do enter the light of true happiness.
Exercise: Appreciate five “presents” from G-d everyday.
- Pain is necessary, suffering is optional. Avoth 6:6 “embrace pain”
If we ever hope to experience life in all of its splendor, we must learn to tolerate the pain of living. When we face the pain we grow. It’s actually by avoiding the pain of life that brings about suffering. Suffering is the price we pay for avoiding the necessary pain of living. Dr. Carl Jung said, “Neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering.”
Exercise: Identify something or someone you’re avoiding and deal with it directly.
16.”If I’m not for myself who will be and if I’m only for myself what am I?” Avoth 1:14
Self-care is my responsibility, although it’s quite tempting to slip into self-neglect and co-dependency. On the other hand a life dedicated to self-improvement leads to a life of self-absorption. Hillel tells us the only life worth living is a life dedicated to giving and service of others.
Exercise: Who do you have the most difficulty getting your needs met?
Identify one way you can give more pleasure to others
- “To Thine own self be true.” (Shakespeare) “The seal of G-d is truth.” Talmud
Never lie to yourself. Don’t say yes, when you mean no. Don’t say, I’m doing well, when you know you are about to topple. Don’t be afraid of the truth because ultimately it is the truth that will free you to be the best version of yourself.
Exercise: How might you be lying to yourself?
- Nothing can stand in the way of will. The Zohar
How did the 70 year old grandmother lift the car off her granddaughter and save her life? When we have to do it, nothing can stop us. Our problem is that we are full of excuses and rationalizations which weaken out resolve. Never surround your enemy on all sides, because then he will be forced to find a way to win. Always leave one side open.
Exercise: What dream must you actualize?
- Humans are creating beings. Commandment to emulate G-d
What stands out about the people I know who feel most alive is that they are actualizing their unique creative potential. They strive to put their unique personal stamp on everything they do. There is a world of difference between doing something mechanically vs. doing it creatively.
Exercise: Identify an activity you’re doing mechanically and find a way to do it creatively.
- Our greatest pain in life is where our greatest opportunity for growth lies. Avoth 6:6
I once felt trapped in a job that was killing me and actually led to being clinically depressed. When I stopped suffering and started trying to understand why I was in so much pain, I discovered something about myself that opened up new worlds of creative possibilities that transformed my life.
Exercise: What can you learn from your greatest struggle?
- Is today a good day to die? Death is very good. Midrash
If today is not a good day to die, why not? We must prepare for that day because it is coming. We must be ready to face death with peace and serenity. Most people are afraid of death and forever running away from dealing with it. We must deal with it because death is a part to life. Here’s something to ponder, does the body rot in the ground or is there a soul that lives on?
Exercise: Do believe you are a real person or a virtual person, the result of brain activity?
- Celebrate the joy of existence Genesis Chapter 1 “G-d saw the light He had made and it was good.”
Everything G-d made was proclaimed good. Life is good. When they read the morning roll call in Auschwitz to determine who was going to the gas chambers, there was a communal prayer, “please let it not be me”…..even in the hell of the death camps. It is an amazing experience to be a conscious, sentient, experiencing being who can make choices and do so many things. This is the joy of existence. It is exquisite and we should never stop celebrating being alive.
Exercise: Every morning when you wake up say, “It’s great to be alive.”