Identify one thing you constantly beat yourself up for and apply these ten steps to begin a process of transforming your shame into self-esteem.
1. Face the truth. This means acknowledging and owning when you feel shame and acknowledging how much you are suffering because of these feelings. EXERCISE: Say, “Today I have decided it is no longer acceptable to live a life of suffering and self-torture.”
2.Recognize that this flaw does not define who you are. EXERCISE: Say, “Starting today I refuse to let myself be defined by this imperfection
3.Recognize that G-d fully accepts you being imperfect and flawed. QUESTION: If G-d accepts me being imperfect, why can’t I accept me being imperfect? EXERCISE: Say, “The truth is I am a messy human being and it’s great to be just human!”
4.Recognize that we are here to grow not to be perfect. QUESTION: Can I see this imperfection as opportunity for self-improvement and not more evidence that I’m bad?
5.Recognize that we can only grow from the place where are struggle is right now. EXERCISE: Identify the point where your real struggle is right now (the free-ill point) and make a plan how to move to the next step.
6.Recognize that you must learn to be patient, kind, and compassionate with yourself. EXERCISE: When you fail, say, “I am not bad. I am human and it’s ok to make mistakes and not be perfect.”
7.Recognize that you must learn to manage social pressure. QUESTION: How does society’s expectations and pressures make it hard for me to accept myself with this imperfection?
8.Recognize that it is essential to formulate your own definition of success and failure. EXERCISE: Formulate your own definition of success that will always allow you to feel like a winner while failing daily.
9.Recognize that you are a unique person with special strengths and creative powers and have a unique contribution to make to the world. EXERCISE: Clarify what you most enjoy doing that also has a positive impact on others.
10.Recognize that you are on a journey towards freeing yourself from shame. Don’t hesitate to ask for help if you get stuck. “The prisoner cannot free himself from the prison.”