Ben was bemoaning how stupid and incompetent he felt making cold calls to solicit new real
estate clients for his company. “Other guys just seem to have a knack for selling. I feel like such
a loser.”
Marsha was beating herself about what a terrible mom she is. “I just don’t have any patience for
the kids and feel so bad that they got a loser mom who can’t take care of them with love and
patience. Maybe I just don’t have what it takes to be a decent mom.”
Ezra tries to keep the mitzvoth as best he can but recently he’s been hating himself for how inept
he feels trying to learn Talmud (Jewish law). “There must be something wrong with my brain. I
just can’t seem to understand what I’m reading. I feel like such a dunce.”
My suggestion to all of them is, instead of beating yourself and hating yourself for struggling and
failing try telling yourself, “This is hard for me.” Telling yourself something is hard for you is
an expression of self-compassion. It’s ok for things to be hard for us to do. Some things do not
come so naturally or easily for us. To compare ourselves with others and judge ourselves as
deficient shows a complete lack of self-compassion, self-acceptance, and self-love.
So the next time you struggle with something and are tempted to shame yourself and put yourself
down, adopt this as a mantra and say three times, “This is hard for me.” If you do, I promise that
you’ll feel a lot better about yourself.
Plus there’s another big benefit to acknowledging something is hard for us. It takes away the
pressure we put on ourselves to succeed while mobilizing are resources for figuring out a more
personalized strategy for doing better based on our unique strengths and limitations. So not only
will your self-esteem get a boost, you will feel more empowered as well!