It’s not what happens to us that matters. It’s how we interpret what happens to us that matters. I believe this is the most fundamental principle of human psychology. Life is full of difficult situations. We have little control over what happens to us but a lot of control over …
Saying Hello
A thought for the new year I think it’s a good exercise to practice saying hello to the world every day before you have to say good-bye to it forever. And surely that day is coming. I suggest walking outside every day and looking at all the good and the …
The Princess
Once upon a time there lived a princess who had everything imaginable and yet was verydepressed. The more things she was given the more depressed she became. She had themost beautiful clothes and jewelry. She had her own horse and the best teachers whotaught her how to play music, sing, …
When Life Gets Hard
Ben was bemoaning how stupid and incompetent he felt making cold calls to solicit new realestate clients for his company. “Other guys just seem to have a knack for selling. I feel like sucha loser.”Marsha was beating herself about what a terrible mom she is. “I just don’t have any …
Building A Human Being
As a therapist, I have worked with my share of severely distressed people who aretrapped in their mental prisons. At times, I have felt overwhelmed by the severity of theiremotional turmoil, sometimes feeling powerless myself to know what to do to help them.Over the years, I have discovered a key …
The Imago Dialogue
Communication skills for staying in love The no fight agreementStep 1: Ask for a meeting.Never ambush your partner or try to start a conversation without his or herconsent.Implication is I need to talk and need you to listenStep 2: Mirror the speaker: The key to effective listeningListening doesn’t mean agreementStay …
Self-Love
People who love themselves are happy and usually successful in life. Self-love is thefoundation of psychological health and well-being. If you have it, you are rich. Here arefive dimensions of self-loving people:
Self-Hate vs. Self-Criticism
In general, I believe the root of most of our emotional and relational problems is thegeneric issue of self-worthlessness. People who love themselves are generally happy andhighly functioning people.The most insidious dimension of self-esteem is self-hate. Dr. Blaise Aguirre, in hisrecent book, I Hate Myself, uncovers the psychological nightmare of …
Five Very Dangerous Words
“I don’t feel like it.” How often have you caught yourself saying this to yourself?Unfortunately, most of the time that we tell ourselves, we don’t feel like it, it isunconscious.What’s so bad? When we say, “I don’t feel like it,” what we’re doing is giving in to ourlower self. In …
Making Big Decisions
Never make a big decision when you are feeling desperate, confused, or under pressure.You might think this is obvious but it’s not to a lot of people. I know this from my workwith singles who are struggling with deciding to marry or not. They come to me with alist of …