As a therapist, I have worked with my share of severely distressed people who are
trapped in their mental prisons. At times, I have felt overwhelmed by the severity of their
emotional turmoil, sometimes feeling powerless myself to know what to do to help them.
Over the years, I have discovered a key to opening the door to these people’s prisons and
initiating a process of healthy self-development and growth.
The key to building a human being who seems utterly lost, depressed, and often self-
hating is to identify at least one core value, strength, skill, or talent that they fully own.
These are the mental seeds that when nurtured in the right relational setting can grow into
a healthy and productive human being.
Sarah seemed to have had every bad break you could imagine at 29 years old, a survivor
of a traumatic divorce, feeling stuck in a loveless marriage for five years with no prospect
of having children, and living on the verge of homelessness. I often felt as hopeless as
she felt as we sat together in sessions. Finding practical and concrete solutions is rarely
what patients like Sarah need because what is needed is a transformation on a deep
personal level; initiating of a healthy growth process.
Sarah had an interesting core value and skill. She liked shopping and finding great deals.
I wondered how this skill might be the seed from which a healthy human being might
begin to grow. Sarah came up with an idea of starting a business of taking groups of
tourists on shopping tours. With some encouragement, she got her first group together
with much delight. The light in her eyes began to shine. She began to discover her
unique creative power and her self-esteem began to grow. No growth path is without
great challenges, but together, we were able to navigate them. Right before my eyes I saw
the birth of a human being.
If you or someone you love is struggling and failing in their life, you might explore this
idea. Perhaps you can discover the seed that will begin to grow into a healthy human
being.