All of us have been in situations where we have felt confused and asked
ourselves, “What’s the right thing to do?” The common way to get clarity is to get
advice from someone we trust.
Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe offers an amazing insight into how to seek advice
effectively. He suggests that before you ask for someone else’s opinion, you
should think through the issue and reach your own conclusion as to what you
think the right thing is to do. Only then should you seek out someone’s advice.
What’s unique about his approach is that your goal isn’t to have someone else
tell you what to do. After all, no one else can ever know you and your life
situation as well as you. Asking someone to tell you what to do without thinking it
through is simply irresponsible. But worse is that any generic type of advice can’t
possibly be the best answer for you because it will never fit your unique personal
needs, life history, etc. Unfortunately, many give over responsibility for their lives
to others, especially, those who ask anyone and everyone for their advice and
opinion.
When you seek advice what exactly are you asking this person for? You are
asking him or her to give you his opinion about your reasoning process and
whether he or she thinks your conclusion makes sense and is realistic. If your
advisor validates your thought process then you can feel confident that you have
made the right decision. And assuming you chose someone who is mature, wise,
and trustworthy, you don’t need to go to anyone else. Move forward with
confidence and strength. And should you find that you made a bad decision, you
simply try again. Life is rarely a straight road without bumps, detours, and dead
ends.