I recently received a call from a patient I saw around 15 years ago. “Do you remember
the question you asked me?” I did not recall any specific question, so he told me. “You
asked me if I had been molested as a child. I lied and said I had not. It was my cousin but
I couldn’t tolerate acknowledging it because I was filled with so much shame and self-
loathing.”
My patient spent “only” fifteen years living in denial. There are many who spend a
lifetime living in denial of the truth.
When our life isn’t working, very often the reason is that there is some painful truth that
we are hiding from. The unfortunate irony is that the suffering of living in denial is
always greater than the pain we’re afraid to face. Many of the psychological maladies of
our culture are consequences of hiding from the truth. Dr. Carl Jung said, Neurosis
(psychological and emotional distress) is a substitute for legitimate suffering.”
The “legitimate suffering” that liberates us from psychological suffering is the pain of
facing the truth we’re hiding from.
I have no doubt that the pain my patient endured facing the truth of his childhood was
awful, but not nearly as awful as the inner torment he had been living with his whole life.
How about you? Is if time to face the truth? Is there some truth you’re hiding from that
needs to be acknowledged? I have no doubt that the truth does indeed set us free.