Here are eight habits of emotionally mature people.
- They listen to and learn from their feelings.
Emotionally healthy people listen to their heart because they understand that their feelings provide invaluable information and insight. They never dismiss uncomfortable feelings but rather are curious about what they mean. They understand that feelings are our teachers that help us understand ourselves and our relationships better. - They can tolerate intense and uncomfortable feeling states.
Strong feelings can be overwhelming, scary, and threatening. Often we are afraid or ashamed of what we’re feeling such as hating someone, feeling lonely in one’s marriage, or feeling like a failure. Emotionally mature people possess what is called, affect tolerance. The ability to tolerate strong feelings is absolutely necessary in order to maintain emotional connection and intimacy in romantic relationships when strong feelings arise. - They use the information gained from their feelings to make consistently good choices.
Something bothers Sam about the girl he’s dating. Friends tell him what a great girl she is and what a fool he’d be to pass on her. But something doesn’t sit right with him. If he doesn’t listen to and understand what he’s feeling, Sam may marry her only to wake up in three years regretting his decision. Red flags are hidden in our feelings. If we make decisions without accessing what we feel, we run the risk of making a bad decision. - They understand that emotional pain is a symptom of a deeper personal issue.
Emotionally mature people do not interpret strong feelings such as sadness, loneliness, terror, envy, confusion, panic, shame, anger, guilt as being “bad feelings.” Rather, they understand that just like physical pain is a symptom that the body is sick, so too emotional pain is symptom that the soul is sick. Emotional pain is often a symptom of a deeper psychological, moral or existential problem. By exploring these feelings, we can discover transforming insights about ourselves and our lives. I believe that the greater the pain, the greater the life lesson to be learned. What a tragic mistake to numb or mask our emotional pain with drugs, etc. - They never say “yes’ when they mean “no.”
Emotionally mature people are assertive and take care of their needs. They have excellent self-care, understanding what they need, what’s good for them and what’s not. For this reason, they never become accommodators or people pleasers. They avoid being passive-aggressive, knowing when to say yes and are not afraid to say, no. - They reach out to others when they need help rather than suffer alone.
Emotionally mature people are not afraid to ask for help when their personal struggles become overwhelming. They reach out rather than isolate and are not ashamed to be vulnerable and admit that they are in pain and need help. They let others in and are not afraid to lower their protective walls. - They are self-accepting and self-forgiving
Emotionally healthy people don’t beat themselves up. They fully accept themselves with all their weaknesses, imperfections, and limitations. Their self-worth is strong and in tact. They can make bad mistakes and not fall into shame and depression. They understand that to err is to be human. Therefore, they are patient with themselves and do not put pressure on themselves or beat themselves up. Their mantra is, “progress not perfection.” - They respect, value, and listen to other people’s feelings
Emotionally healthy people have a profound respect for other people’s feelings and emotional pain. They are good listeners and provide a relational home for other people’s feelings. They understand that one of the greatest acts of kindness and love is to listen because listening is heals, strengthens, and empowers.. Their mantra is, “listen first, give your opinion or advice second.”