One of life’s most difficult moments is when we find ourselves in the midst of, what I
call, an emotional hurricane or what more accurately would be called, a trauma state. An
emotional hurricane is when you feel overwhelmed by a certain emotion that is so strong
it feels unbearable and even crushing. The most common feelings that can become
unbearable are sadness, loneliness, shame, emptiness, fear, panic, anxiety, and stress or
pressure. When a hurricane hits, our initial response is to rid ourselves of the pain. Often
these riddance behaviors are self-destructive such as using drugs or food, shopping,
working, promiscuity, binge watching, social media, video games, etc.
The challenge of surviving an emotional hurricane is to acquire the skill of affect
tolerance whereby you build inner resources to manage the intensity of the feeling. Here
are some practical options to help you survive an emotional hurricane, and ultimately
grow from it.
- Sit and hold on tight. Don’t panic. The intensity of the feeling will diminish soon.
Remind yourself, “This too will pass.” Try to embrace it. Don’t fight it. It’s only
a feeling. It won’t kill you. - Breathe deeply while trying to embrace the feeling. Breathe in for a count of 8.
Hold the breath for a count of 8. Exhale slowly for a count of 8. Repeat. - Reassurance. Tell yourself, I am strong enough to handle this. I have resources.
I’m safe. - Tracking. Identify the feeling. Name it. Describe how you’re experiencing the
sensation in your body. The more you stay with tracking it, the more you will be
able to tolerate it - Ground yourself. Literally, find something solid to lean against or lie down on in
order to give your self a feeling of stability and safety. Focus on feeling your
body being supported and feeling safe. - Reach out to someone you trust to talk to and support you with this struggle.
- Turn your pain into a prayer: “I am really struggling with these feelings, Please help me?”
- What can positive t can I do now to calm myself and return to a more
resilient place? Take a walk, listen to music, call a friend, etc. - Understand. (when in calmer state). Why is this feeling so dangerous and
threatening? What awful things do I associate with it? - Deeper analysis. What is the history of this feeling? Did I experience this as a
child? If so, when and under what circumstances? Identify an early memory
when you felt this and explore the relational context, i.e. what people were
involved? - Learn and grow from it. Pain is our teacher. Feelings always have something to
teach us. The greater the pain the greater the lesson. - Seek therapy to fully understand the meanings of this intense emotional state and
learn how this pain is a key to helping you become your best self.